just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
