nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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