peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
