she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
