Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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