saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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