we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
