There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
