Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
