If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
