you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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