but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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