If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
