turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
