I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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