Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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