know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We had sex on a dog bed..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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