12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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