I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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