Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Someone signed my nipple.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
