i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
