hell yes lets make some ravioli
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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