I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
