pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
