you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
