he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
