I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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