No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
