You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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