I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
