Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
