Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
