if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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