doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
