Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
