yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
