i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
