Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
