i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
