you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had sex on a roof
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
