Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
