like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
