he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
