im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
