Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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