How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
