So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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