I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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