I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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