she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
