Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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