Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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