I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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